Have rap artists not figured out nobody gives a fuck that they're into Scarface? Stop posturing. Show me the hard evidence of when you were a Cuban refugee who found himself on the wrong end of a drug deal and watched your friend Angel Fernandez get killed. Otherwise, shut the fuck up already. That includes you, Lil Wayne. It's gay enough you're putting out more autotune shit and passing it off as a rock album. Guitars = rock album as much as guitars = Coby Calet. But to release a sorry interpretation of "She's on Fire" as your first single. That officially buys your two kids that were born this year by different baby mamas beatdowns through their elementary school years. Tough enough that they've got to go through life looking like your ugly martian ass.
Kesha announced the prize for this week's Weekend Edition Sunday Puzzle. She was coherent, enunciated, and sounded like, well, a person you would believe listens to Liane Hansen and Will Shortz on Sunday mornings. It was in sharp contrast to her singing persona, where she sounds like the MTV VJ winner Jessie and looks like a cracked-out Joan Osbourne (who looks cracked-out herself). I find her music just as annoyingly catchy as the next person, but I can't slam her for parlaying an ability to combine tested elements of pop music into some form of success. Does she deserve more hate than Britney Spears? Susan Boyle? Madonna? Can you name a female artist out there moving units who hasn't had a precisely calculated career? Sure, Rhianna got involved in some late-night tussling and Britney Spears did the pants-off dance-off for a couple years; On occasion, emotions will fuck with the plans. Does Kesha have any staying power? Not a chance. Embellishing your name with dollar signs only makes it that much harder. Ma$e went looking for God to help him keep his swag. No luck.
Serena Williams took the Australian Open again. Serena Williams also does ads for Tampax. The marketing guys at P&G must be on crack if they want anyone, especially women, to believe that Serena uses tampons. It's not that Serena is one of those female superathletes who's lost their cycle. It's not that Serena is a man masquerading as a female, although, I know you were thinking that. Fact is, Serena is a hippopotamus masquerading as a human being. Here's the proof.
I've met Common before. Common is a grown-ass man. Here he looks like a little kid on the Jungle Boat Cruise at Disneyland waiting for the captain to pop off some blanks at the hippo climbing out of the water. How did I end up walking down the beach with an armoire?
I was prompted to watch the Chris Breezy wedding procession the other day. I had watched the Office parody before, but never the actual footage. My conclusion: these guys are having a real hard time letting go of drama club. And the number of views further affirms that White people really like random choreographed dancing while wearing sunglasses. See Tom Cruise in Risky Business for reference.
Is there a reason why Camila Alves replaced Jaclyn Smith as host of Shear Genius? It's like having Katie Lee Joel/Padma host Top Chef. You're not imparted credibility simply because you are fucking/were fucking someone famous. Unless, that someone is the President. Then, suddenly you're a fashion icon.
GQ has a brief Miranda Kerr spread this month. She's also in this year's Pirelli calendar.
Has the nipple quotient on this site been rising too fast?
Here's some Corinne Bailey Rae to chill you out.
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