Who You Fucking, O.J.?

Okay, so maybe the prolific talk was a bit premature. I'm trying my best to re-arrange the fifty words and provide readers with "new" content.

I was sitting at the terminal in LaGuardia on Sunday, forced to listen to one of those ubiquitous airport flatscreens that continously run CNN Headline news. What's breaking news at 8 am EST? Dumbledore is Gay. And even more compelling news, the majority of people who answered the "are you surprised" poll voted for no, something like 56% to 44%. I've never read any of the books, only caught the movies, so maybe they're filled with double-entendres that give you insight about Dumbledore getting sucked-off on the side. Guess I probably should have saw it coming, what with the velour robes and the transforming into a phoenix; he was clearly shouting flamer. Luckily, Rowling didn't simply drop the news without going into more details. Apparently, the man had sexual tension with another wizard. Got me thinking, there's an exact parallel in real life: professional sports. You don't want to picture two wizards giving each other the Brokeback reach around just like you don't want to visualize two O-line guys going backdoor with Sade's "Ordinary Love" bumping in the background. But it happens/-ed and we need to talk about it. You can e-mail Rowling for her Harry Potter series XXX author's cut edition at harrypotteralternafuck@nodogfighting.com.

But we've got to move on from this old news.

James Lipton was once a French pimp. No bullshit. He's got that quiet, deliberate speech, but his backhand is a mother... He quit 'cause he got tired of dealing with all that pubic hair. Thank God for the Brazilian.

Props to Bobby Jindal for infiltrating the white man's world. Katrina was a bitch, but for an Indian guy to get the Southerner's vote is pretty incredible. Of course, I know nothing of the details of the race, so, it could've been a fluke. But I'll give the man and his handlers their due. He should be aware that if he fucks it up, no Asian person will ever be elected for anything ever again.

I like the look of Common's new video. It's got that dreamy cinematography, muted colors, and everybody's styling. A far cry from the endless stream of grimy ghetto-ass hip hop videos that we're constantly bombarded with. Yeah, the content is nothing to rave about and Kerry Washington isn't Halle Berry, but you'd hit that for a dollar.



While I do like watching dubbed-out Cutlasses and trucks with thick women in stripper gear hanging out the windows weaving down a random street in the hood, it's definitely a tired formula. And enough with the dance song videos. Its not gangsta to model yourself after the "Cha Cha Slide." Come on homey, peep the Roots' "What they Do" video. Yes, it's definitely more applicable to East Coast than dirty South, but sooner or later, you're just parodying yourself.



One day, the video links will no longer be supported and my posts will look like shit with error messages strewn about. But sometimes, I've got to show people what I'm talking about. Plus, I promise I'll never post anything that's not worth watching.

And for DJ Khaled, Jermaine Dupri, Lil John, and Puffy:

Y'all know what this is. I'm the best. Eh-eh, eh-eh. Okay. Listen.

You can call me the ad lib monster.

'Til next time... Go fuck yourself, San Diego wildfires.

Call Me Mr. Prolific

That's two days in-a-row of writing. Could there be some direct correlation with my being at work for two days in-a-row? No way.

It's Sunday morning, how about some sports? Cal. What the fuck? Homeboy's been playing too much Madden, started to believe that he could turn the corner like Vince Young. Alas, just another slow white guy. He definitely went home and cried himself to sleep last night. Fans spit on him, teammates had to be restrained from him, his girl dumped him and told him she'd been fucking his best friend... that's life. Lessons to be learned from this: #1 Don't think that your Madden glory translates to shit in real life. #2 Don't model yourself after loser athletes who cry after every disappointment. To take a line from Gordon Ramsay, "Grow some fucking bollocks." What, do you need mommy to offer up a tit for you to suck on?

On a random note, I love the Brits on TV. They're really some of the smoothest motherfuckers you'll see. Talk shit about you in your interview and do it with a smile. Make you start believing the shit they're saying about you. Check this clip out where they interview Nigo from BAPE. Two words, "lonely otaku." The pantomime is gangster.

Re-release Party

I started this thing, was going to tell people about it, and start writing. But instead, nothing.

Here it is, the re-release of the original non-release. I'm repackaging it with a new cover and a hot new intro so that the zero who copped the first edition will be forced to give in to this one as well.

Why do this? 'Cause I'm attention-starved and need to make sure that my words are available to be in everyone's face at all times. Is that the truth? No. I'm at work. I'm making sure that my salary dollars go towards nothing productive.

I can't promise anything that hasn't been done before. In fact, I can guarantee that most of what shows up here will not be eloquent, will be redundant, and will not be relevant to my life or pretty much anyone else's. In case you were wondering, I do read other people's sites. And I will shamelessly steal their ideas and post them up here. I'm like the Japanese. I'll probably do your shit better than you.